To Learn From Heartbreak

(Disclaimer: Many scholars rule that all divination is forbidden. Others will tell you only certain kinds are OK. This is true of most fun things. In the event that this turns out to be one of the bad ones, we take no responsibility for the ultimate fate of your soul. God knows best and all that.)

To Learn From Heartbreak

Get a microphone you can plug into a computer. Open an audio recording software such as Audacity. Think of a recent heartbreak you have suffered, call to mind the pain of it. When you feel ready, record yourself screaming directly into the mic as long and as loud as you can. Take note of the final time (minutes and seconds) the audio levels return to green from red. Remember this number, look for it everywhere and in every permutation (for example 1:03 can be 1 and 3 or 103). Every time you see it is an omen, subject to the kind of guesswork and free association that all omens are. Think on each one as it happens and forget each as the next comes along. One day you will realize you've stopped looking, this means that you've learned what you were meant to learn.